Me! Me me me... Oh, and Zoe.

So seeing as I'm here preaching to you about your love life and how I think everything works I think you have the right to poke into mine. 

So I'm going to introduce you to my girlfriend Zoe and tell you all about how we got together, our journey and how wonderful she is. 

This is Zoe Healey, the bright, cute, spunky girl who at the beginning of August 2012 messaged me on plenty of fish. Yes, we met online. We would text all day and all night, most nights we wouldn't sleep until at least 4/5am, we couldn't get enough of each other so we decided to meet up. A few nights before this she went to the Bristol Balloon fiesta and won me a huge teddy bear and was at the pub later that night and decided to phone me for the first time ever. 

     She came to my house, bringing sir didymus with her (the purple monkey), I kissed her and my life has never been the same since. 

    We moved in together really fast, we were head over heels in love with each other and I moved away from home to live with her in a part of the West Country I've never really been to before. Leaving my family and friends all behind. I now have some amazing friends down there and I love it as a town but it was hard at the time. After 6 months we got engaged and it was about a month after that, of being blissfully happy together, we started having troubles. We wouldn't communicate anymore and we were both stubborn and unreasonable. Zoe would do things to try and hurt me and I wouldn't stand up for myself. We were playing grown ups and it made life very hard for us so eventually we split up. I moved back into Bristol but still worked where she lived so I was there a lot. We got back together and split up so many times I couldn't keep track and eventually she found someone else. It was hard for me but I knew it was for the best, we were in an unhealthy relationship that was going nowhere fast. 

     Seeing Zoe apparently so happy with someone else made me stronger, I knew I didn't need to be in a relationship to feel complete and I knew no matter how much I love her I was going to be okay without her. It was an elated feeling and it brought my confidence back. 

The relationship that Zoe was in was starting to head south and I did what I was supposed to do, be there for her as a friend. I never came on to her or tried to undermine the other person in any way shape or form because although I often thought of Zoe and I getting back together I didn't necessarily think it would be the best idea. 

     However my newfound confidence had caught her eye and soon enough we were back together and honestly I couldn't be happier. 

Since getting back together I can safely say things have changed. Were still both stubborn and our communication isn't as great as it could be but I don't put up with anything anymore and she goes out of her way to make me feel good instead of bad. 

     There is a few things you need to know about Zoe. She's dominant, she likes to be in charge and likes to tell me what to do. Which is usually fine by me unless I think she's wrong. She does this cute little thing where she will lay on my belly and wiggle her bum in the air, growl like a baby lion and pounce on me and kiss me. (It's possibly my favourite thing ever) when were arguing, she will laugh and it really annoys me but I know she can't help it, which annoys me even more. She can get stroppy and moody and down but it doesn't change how I feel about her. She's beautiful and I tell her every day how wonderful and sexy and gorgeous she is because she needs to hear it. She makes me laugh and makes me cry, I can barely remember what my life was like before August 2012 and I know if we ever split up for good and I never spoke to her again, there wouldn't be a day that passed after that I didn't think about her at least once. Cause since that first message, my mind has thought about nothing else.

One day, very far in the future I want to marry her and have a baby with her. If we never get there then I am just lucky to have the opportunity to love and be loved by her. I truly am the luckiest girl in the world. 

(Also, I know she's reading this. I love you princess) 

Byeeeeeeeeee! 

         (First ever picture together) 

     (Zoe with our puppy bella.) 

What do you do when you're feeling insecure?

We all get those nights where we feel gross, lonely and like everyone is out to get us. No matter what our sexuality, gender, size, relationship status or age everyone can have down nights from time to time. For me these usually happen when I know the people I'm closest to are out having a good time without me. Sometimes they come on randomly and it can be range from being sulky to crying into a tub of ice cream at four in the morning reblogging sad quotes on tumblr. 

When you're in a relationship this can make you think and feel some crazy things. Make you suspicious and think your partner is cheating. No matter how much you trust someone when you feel like crap about yourself you try and push it out to someone else. You might think they're being off with you or distant when in fact you just need more attention than usual, so I urge you, if you are feeling down and in a relationship tell your partner, be honest. There is no shame in asking you partner to be extra attentive on a night that you feel vulnerable. If for some reason they physically can't, arrange to see a friend or spend some time with your family. Even your pets can cheer you up when you're in this mood because you just want affection. You need confirmation that someone is happy to have you around. Even if it is your cat that you have you force to hug you. 

When I was single and I used to get these moods, it was different. It was easier to cheer myself up because I knew I was being silly but I also knew I had a reason to feel down. I'm not saying everyone who is single will get depressed about it but when you are single sometimes, if like me, you have low self esteem and anxiety, then you start to think about all of the reasons why you're single. When it's obvious, you just haven't met anyone that you're compatible with and attracted to but when it's late and you're sat there by yourself that logic goes right out the window. 

So we know it happens to the best of us and what I really wanted to talk about is the stigma behind how some people deal with it. Sometimes people like to vent on social media. Which is a perfectly healthy way of doing it. Sometimes though, people can be labeled as attention seekers, which of course they are! But why is that a bad thing. If you're feeling down and you know there are people that care about you whether it's internet friends of people you've known since you were in nappies, why can we not ask for a little bit of their time and effort to reassure ourselves and make ourselves feel loved. 

The point I'm trying to make is, if you're feeling that way, down, insecure, upset about everything then it's okay to rely on other people. People often say they don't want to burden their friends with their problems but you don't always need to deal with things yourself. Be there for each other and if you love someone love them a little bit more when you think they need it. 

Is bisexuality a transitional sexuality?

No. It is not, but that would be a really short blog post so I'm going to tell you why. 

Bisexual means you are attracted to both male and females. Now sexuality means a sexual preference so for example if a girl said she was bisexual and had had sexual encounters with both sexes but has stated that she has only dated and probably would only date men then she is still bisexual. It doesn't make her any less bisexual if she has never had a girlfriend because having sex with a girl and having a relationship with a girl are two completely different things. 

There is so much stigma attached to bisexuals. If you're a bisexual girl you're just bi-curious and want to make out with you girl friends to get men's attention. If you're a bisexual man then you're gay, you just don't want to admit it so you say you still like girls too. This is the kind of thinking that puts lgbtq+ communities 1000 steps back because believe it or not, a lot of this stigma comes from gay men and lesbians. 

The amount of lesbians that say they would never date a bisexual girl because there is more chance of her cheating. If you were going on the probability factor of amount of people then yes the chances are mathematically higher that she would find someone who she found attractive, that also found her attractive because the group is a higher number but the fact that someone is attracted to someone and that person is attracted to them too, does not automatically mean they're going to be unfaithful. 

It's not the amount of people they could sleep with, it's whether or not they would. I know plenty of bisexuals that have been in happy relationships for years and have been 100% faithful and that's because your sexuality doesn't determine whether or not you are a risk. 

Back to my original point, finding your sexuality is a confusing and scary thing. I dated men, lots of them for a very long time even after I had accepted that I was indeed attracted to women so as you could imagine when asked my sexuality I said bisexual. I was 13 years old when I knew I liked girls but I didn't know any other girls who liked girls. I was the first girl in my school to not be straight, I had attention from male friends and in school it was the worst thing ever to be single so I went out with boys. My relationships never lasted long and I'd find myself getting bored quickly. It took me to just before I found my current girlfriend to realise I do not want to be with a man. So yes I did do what many people do and say I was bisexual before coming out as a lesbian and I'm sure many, like me truly thought that they were which is okay, it's a long journey that you have to travel and the destination isn't always clear. 

This does create a problem for true bisexuals though because once you're out as bi, people will be waiting on the edge of your seats for you to come out "fully" when really, you're as out of the closet as it possible for you to be. 

Some people may even come out as bisexual to test the waters, are my friends and family okay with me being bisexual? Yes okay then they shouldn't have a problem with me being gay. I urge you, if you're in the closet and know you're gay or lesbian do not use bisexuality as a platform to come out if you're not genuinely confused, it makes it so much harder for those that are sure of their bisexuality to be taken seriously within the lgbtq+ community or by anyone that will be expecting a second "coming out" 

I think bisexuality is a sexuality that needs to be more openly accepted and understood in both heterosexual and lgbtq+ communities and if you yourself have had to struggle coming out and gaining acceptance you know how hard it is, so don't downplay or step over someone else who is doing it too! 

I still don't know how I'm gonna end these...

Byeeeeeeeeeeeee. 

Introduction.

Although this would be incredibly fun and probably easier to do anonymous I think you should know the girl behind the awful attempts at journalism happening here. 

     But first, I want to introduce you to this blog. I, like many others was quite taken by the tv show "the sex and the city" I loved the characters, the layout, the comedy, the fashion (my god did I love the fashion) but most importantly I loved the writing. Is sex and relationships a taboo subject? No one can be an expert at relationships, every single relationship is different but it still made me think that there were so many questions out there regarding sex, relationships, sexuality, singledom and what people should and shouldn't be doing when it comes to love (or just sex. Whatever you're into right now) that I feel I wanna start answering some of these questions. Or at the very least give an opinion. 

Now onto me. 

My name is Andie, I live in the West Country, hence the name of this blog and yes, I do have one those accents. I'm 23 years old and my life is a mess. I'm living with my parents, I'm a lesbian, I work part time in a gay club and I have a wonderful girlfriend. 

I know what you're thinking. How can a 23 year old lesbian who's in a happy, stable relationships possibly know anything about heterosexual relationships, sex only relationships, unhealthy relationships or what it's like to be single? Because I've done it. If it comes to relationships you name it I've probably been through it. Also I have my trusty friends who, even if I haven't experienced a certain thing, they certainly have. 

So if you have anything you want me to talk about then please feel free to let me know. If you can't comment on here then feel free to tweet me. @sexandthewestc 

I don't know how I'm going to end these yet...

Byeeeeeeeeeeeee.